Nicole vs. Life
false alarm. still invincible.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I AM VODKA MAN
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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