I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
