i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize