OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
