Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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