i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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