you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
