happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
