The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
