I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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