the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
