Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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