make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
