i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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