Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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