I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
