Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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