this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
