i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
