This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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