Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
time to smoke my breakfast
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
