my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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