That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
