he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
