she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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