i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize