He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
