Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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