shes about as inviting as chlamydia
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My feet surprised me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
