I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
