ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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