And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I pour the whiskey from now on
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
