those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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