i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When did we convert life to cartoon?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
