So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
