U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize