Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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