Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
