Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
