Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
