Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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