So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
