Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
