Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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