I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
