Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
