Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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