So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
