i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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