I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She's like a pop up book from hell.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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