And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
