Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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