The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
