final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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