Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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