Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
