yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
