Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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