walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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