two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
