the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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