I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
