And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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