The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
