i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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