and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
