I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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