I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
