sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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