are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
