I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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