The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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